Suburbia

Have you seen The Burbs? It’s a classic 1980s Tom Hanks gem.

Tom Hanks

It also stars Carrie Fisher and Corey Feldman, need I say more? Put that on your Netflix queue, STAT!

While the movie is absolutely ridiculous, it is a reminder that you don’t have to go far to find yourself some crazy. That’s what neighbors are for!

When you live in Nassau County (and you don’t have a ton of money), your neighbors are close. Like, reach-out-your-window-and-practically-touch-them close. So I know, for example, that my elderly neighbor smokes cigars because, although I’ve never seen him smoke one, I can smell the old cigar smoke drifting from his car’s upholstery while I sit on my living room couch.

Another tidbit: that same neighbor shares his home with his grown 50 year-old son and his son’s two grown children. One of the grandchildren is a young guy, around 22 or 23, who caddies at a local country club because he is, “on a sabbatical from Pathmark.” His father’s words, not mine.

For the past few months he’s been dating a woman from the country club. How do I know she’s from the country club? She’s about 40, drives a BMW, and wears short tennis skirts. Mmmmhmmmm. Before they started dating, I wondered how a 23 year-old guy gets any girl while shacking up at his grandpa’s house. I DEFINITELY wasn’t expecting a wealthy older woman. Hear that gentlemen? If you’re looking for love forget moving back home with your parents, head over to your grandparents’ house!

Along with the cougar hunter, we have a squirrel whisperer on our street. Last weekend  Matt and I were sitting on the couch next to our front window and we heard a loud crying. It sounded kind of like a velociraptor/bird/angry baby and after a few minutes, I realized it was coming from a squirrel perched up on the power lines. Just then a middle-aged woman walked up to the telephone pole and instead of running away, the squirrel looked down at her while she looked up and started talking to it. She walked away, the squirrel stopped yelling and that was that. Cesar Milan might have some competition…

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