Review Pet Peeves

Do you rely on peer reviews? I am a reviewaholic big time. I read them, I write them, I purchase by them. While I don’t rely solely on what reviewers have to say, they do play a big part in my decision-making. That being said, I have a few pet peeves, so if you’re guilty of any of these, watch out…

1. Reviews by people who admittedly haven’t even tried the product/recipe.

I see this all the time on Food Network’s site. Four stars for a recipe with the comment: This looks great! Can’t wait to make it! Everything LOOKS great, idiot! Talk to me after you got your ass off the sofa and actually cooked it.

2. Reviews by people who don’t know how to make restaurant reservations.

A few years ago I saw a restaurant featured on the Today Show that looked interesting so I Googled it and was surprised to see very mixed scores. When I clicked around to actually read the reviews I spotted this: We were turned away! ┬áSmall. Limited number of seats. Make a reservation!!! We came all the way from Maryland. We were disappointed. PS That’s the review verbatim. And there were several others balking that they could not be seated because the restaurant was full and they didn’t have a reservation. Is it upsetting to show up somewhere and find out you can’t get in? Sure. Can you rate a restaurant based on that? No! Make a mother-loving reservation.

3. Reviews by people who have a personal problem that affects no one else.

I looked up a lip balm recently and saw a one-star rating among all the other four-star ones: Disappointed! After wearing this for only a few minutes my lips started tingling and I broke out in a rash. I looked at the ingredients and saw that it has lemon oil in it and I’m allergic to lemons. Guess what, asshat? When you have an allergy you need to read ingredients. If you forgot and had a reaction, no big deal but don’t write a bad review because of your personal issue.

4. Reviews by aggressive know-it-alls.

Last year I ordered a few shirts from Boden (Really great stuff! Kind of expensive but good quality.) Since I had relied heavily on their helpful review system, I wrote a positive review for one of the shirts. It was a scoopneck shirt that was kind of low so I gave the shirt a high score and included this in my review: Scoop was a little low on me so I paired the shirt with a tanktop underneath. I went back a few weeks later to order the shirt in another color and saw this review right above mine: The scoop is not low at all and you definitely DON’T need an undershirt. Whoa. Chill out. I’m short.